Hey classmates, it’s great to see some familiar faces from previous courses, and I wish everyone a successful semester. I am a social work major. This is my senior year, so I am thrilled to be completing my bachelor’s degree journey! I am a 22-year-old first-generation student. I am originally from Connecticut, a small state that borders New York and New Jersey.
I am grateful enough to have almost all my grandparents and great-grandparents. Except 3… I still have three great-grandmothers who are doing well. My interactions have changed drastically since I was younger. Now that I am older and can hold more responsibilities, I find myself putting on a superhero cape and wanting to do tasks for them or help in any way they need. However, I usually encounter some kind of pushback from that because older people still want to feel capable and not dependent on others. However, I may see it as a convenience to them. They may feel the opposite because it’s the reality and notion that they are no longer as able-bodied as they once were. Actually, last weekend, one of my great-grandmothers asked me to bring her to the grocery store for only two items. I thought it was slightly silly to drag her out of the house with her cane and bad arthritis just for two grocery trips when she can make a list of the items and I can go myself. When I suggested this to her, she dismissed the idea, stating that she spends the majority of her time at home. Although her legs aren’t in the best shape, at least she gets to leave the house and see others. This interaction with my grandmother truly made me reflect. I was making suggestions to make it easier and more convenient for myself, but neglecting the needs and desires of my grandmother.
Through aging practice, I hope to learn how to better interact with all the elderly people I encounter in my life, whether that be family members or strangers. Of course, everyone is different and wants to be treated according to their own standards; some are more willing to accept help than others, at least knowing how to navigate that conversation.
Unlike most people, I don’t necessarily have a negative connotation regarding aging. I understand that you’re aging, so going out late at night and similar activities slow down a lot. However, I don’t believe you have to stop entirely; you can still be joyous and adventurous with aging. The one concept I fear with aging is the idea of being put in a nursing home bedridden and incapable of doing anything for myself and being in a constant state of dependency with a terrible nursing staff… that scares me.
Once I reached the late 50s, I fully acknowledged and came to terms with being an older adult. I want to maintain my physical health consistently, so I regularly practice basic yoga stretches and go for mile walks, along with dumbbell training, to keep my body healthy. I read a lot about holistic healing and dabble in the practice, so I add vitamins to my tea. I envision myself as a grandmother with children, so having an open home that welcomes and hosts all my family is very important to me. I also enjoy baking, so maintaining that baking grandmother aesthetic would be key for me. I have a green thumb, so I expand on a garden if I haven’t already done so. A monthly tradition of Sunday dinners is a must for my family. As a child, I remember Sunday dinners at Grandma’s house vividly and would like to continue that tradition with mine. I would wear my hair freely right now. I do all of the braided styles but wear a gray-haired afro freely.
Yes, the idea of dementia and alchemziers really frightens me for my health and my family’s. Unfortunately, both diseases can’t ever truly be prevented; they happen at random, and yes, you can stay sharp on your skills with puzzles and word crosses, but once again, they happen to anyone. There’s also no cure, and the diseases can rapidly progress. I love my memories and cherish the photos throughout my life; I often find myself reminiscing about many of my days. I can’t imagine not being able to do that, especially with my grandchildren. I always ask my grandparents about their stories from back in the day and what life was like. Thankfully, they can always recall these memories and give me something to imagine. It would be devastating not to be able to share those memories with my family.
Hi Iyanna,
I am also from Connecticut. I spent my late high school years and early adulthood in New Haven County. Your line about it being “a small state that borders NY and NJ” made me chuckle, because since moving to GA I have gotten the “where is CT?” question more than once.
Congratulations on being a first-generation student! Earning a college degree is challenging enough, but being first-generation is something to wear with pride. You are paving a path without someone having shown you the way. I also admire the beautiful blessing you had of growing up with great-grandparents. That’s such a rare opportunity to receive wisdom and connection across so many generations. My grandparents passed when I was a young child, and now my father is in his mid-60s. I am beginning to see that same “push-back” you mentioned. It is defiitely a blance between providng support while still respecting independence. I often find myself framing conversations in a way that lets him feel that the support was his idea, which makes things go more smoothly.
Your post made me wonder: do you think the strength of multigenerational family ties helps make the conversations about aging and independence easier or does it sometimes create more tension when roles being to shift?
Hello Iyanna!
First, congratulations on your accomplishment of being a first-generation college student. I can also relate, and I know we sometimes face challenges, but we have come this far; it’s only right to keep going! I want to really take the time to focus on your reflection. I think it was wonderful that you took the time to reflect on what your grandmother wanted and needed in that moment. Being young, we often don’t fully understand why older adults do things or ask for things to be done in a certain way. I think we frequently take for granted the independence and mobility we have, allowing us to get up and go when we need to, simply. I expressed my concern about losing this ability in my post. Because with difficulties in mobility, you lose that independence and freedom to take care of yourself. I understand the motivation to stay active in order to minimize the risk of losing that freedom.
Iyanna,
Thank you for sharing your experiences with all of us. We appreciate it. You are fortunate to still have great grandparents and grandparents in your life, and having that gift does change how you think about aging and being with older adults. I think your experience of wanting to go to the grocery store FOR your grandmother was a great learning experience, and it happens all the time. Often going to the store is so much more than just going to the store.
When we age our circle contracts, and we are around fewer people with less connection and interaction. During the height of our careers we tend to think of this as a positive thing and something we might yearn for. In reality it can be isolating for older adults. I think you will enjoy the texts we are reading because of your experience with family. Looking forward to more conversations.
PS: really enjoyed the pic. Just remember to place it in the “featured image” spot on the bottom right side of the post page so we can all see it even better.
Dr P