Introduction
Hi! My name is Emilie Luna, and I am currently an MSW student with the end goal of becoming a mental health therapist. One thing I would like everyone to know about me is how much of an antique lover I am. I currently work at a non-profit thrift store and love seeing what people donate, and I have started quite the collection. I believe these items have a story to tell, and I like to imagine the people who owned and cherished them.
My experience with older people professionally comes from my job; we have regulars who come in daily and just want someone to talk to them. I look forward to their stories and remembering details about their lives. Many older adults struggle with loneliness and isolation after retirement, and I hope a conversation with me can remind them that they are not alone. I have a close friendship with one of the volunteers, Ms. Ellen; we make each other laugh and talk about everything under the sun.
As far as personal experience, I grew up with my grandmother living with us, and spent so much time with her. She would wait for me at the bus stop, then we would peel potatoes and fry them so we could eat French fries while watching soap operas. I have a huge family with many elderly aunts who are over the age of 80. I admire their importance in building community because they immigrated to New York from the Dominican Republic in the 60s. Their bravery and hard work are the reason I am determined and supported to reach my goals, to thank them for their sacrifices.
I hope to gain a better understanding of how race, social class, and other demographics affect the aging process. My grandmother speaks a limited amount of English, and my father accompanies her to all appointments as most healthcare professionals only speak English and translators are inconvenient. As I know how isolating it feels not to speak the primary language in this country, I hope to learn how to advocate for these older clients and their families as they age.
The Meaning of Aging
When I hear “older adulthood” or “later in life”, I think of my parents, who are in their 50’s. Since I’m about to turn 25, it means that I am halfway to their age, but it still feels far away. I imagine that “older adulthood” is used for the time period after all the societal expectations occur, like starting your career, getting married, and having children. I imagine it as a quieter life, downsizing your home, and goals of retirement.
I would consider myself an older adult when I’m in my 60s. I envision myself with small indications of aging, like smile lines and wrinkles, because I make exaggerated facial expressions. I would hope to feel content with life at that age, but the trepidation with aging has terrorized me since I was a small child. I believe my health will be determined by whether science has advanced on menopause, or maybe the effects of my sedentary lifestyle. As a creature of habit, I imagine I will still be reading and gathering with friends and family.
The fear of aging has paralyzed me with every passing year. On my birthday, I will often cry because of the reminder that our time on earth is limited and death is inevitable. I think this fear comes from the fact that I am the youngest sibling and that I could potentially be the last one alive. The idea of aging is terrifying to me but being forever young would be unrealistic. Another thing that I struggle with is the fact that my body will change and I won’t be able to do things as easily, even like getting up from the couch. Lastly, the fact that I do not want children scares me because who will advocate and ensure that I am treated with dignity and care in my old age?
Hi Emilie,
I love the story of your grandmother waiting for you at the bus stop and the memories of you peeling potatoes together. It sounds like such a special core memory from your childhood. My grandmother also lived with us while I was growing up, so I have similar memories of her taking me to and picking me up from the bus stop!
I am pleasantly surprised to hear that so many of us share a fear of getting older. I thought I was the only one who experienced these emotions, but it seems to be a common discomfort. I hope that taking this class helps you become more comfortable with the idea of aging and that, over time, some of that fear can turn into a more positive and meaningful perspective on growing older.
Reading your post was great it gave me a different perspective on someone’s else experience with older adulthood. You are around older people majority of your time, so you have a sense of comfortability and how to maneuver around or with them. The memories with your grandmother will last with you for a lifetime and that moment alone gave you wisdom to pass on to your kids etc. You pointed out that you were the youngest sibling and the fear it comes with because of aging. I never thought about it from that perspective and how it could affect you. However, with the connections and older adulthood social society you could find others like you in the long run creating friendships and growing connections.
Hi Emilie! I loved reading your post and the personal details you added about your relationship with your grandmother. I immediately connected with your post too because I love antiques and I went antiquing with my grandmother all the time, she would fit in well at your store! I too am the youngest sibling and have the same fear of being the last one in my family. Loneliness is my biggest fear and being the youngest can make that possibility feel especially real.
Hi Emilie! I really enjoyed reading your post, especially because I’m Dominican too! 🇩🇴 I loved hearing about your family and the role your aunts and grandmother have played in your life. The story about peeling potatoes and frying them to eat while watching soap operas honestly made me smile. Those little everyday memories with grandparents are the things that stay with us forever.
I also really connected with what you said about your older regulars at the thrift store. I think it says a lot about you that you remember details about their lives and genuinely look forward to talking with them. Sometimes just having someone listen and remember the little things about you can make such a huge difference, especially for someone who may be experiencing loneliness or isolation.
Your experience with your grandmother and the language barrier also really stood out to me because I can honestly relate. I can understand why that would make you want to advocate for older adults and their families. It’s easy to overlook how something like not being able to communicate comfortably with your healthcare provider can affect someone’s entire experience and make them feel even more isolated.
I also appreciated how honest you were about your fear of aging. I think a lot of people have those fears but don’t necessarily feel comfortable saying them out loud. Your thoughts about losing independence, changes in your body, and wondering who will advocate for you if you don’t have children are really understandable. I think that’s actually one of the reasons social work is so important—people shouldn’t have to have children or family members in order to be treated with dignity, have their voices heard, and receive proper care as they age.
And as another Dominican, I definitely understand what you mean about our older generations and the sacrifices they made to build better lives for their families. There is so much strength, resilience, and history in our older family members. I think that perspective will be such a valuable part of what you bring to this class! I love that you’re also doing your masters. I’m barely starting my bachelors, but my goal is to do my masters as well. It motivates me everytime I see someone accomplishing their goals.
Emelie,
I think you are going to enjoy the material in this class! First, as you work at a thrift store and appreciate the stories behind things, I know you will like the podcast episode with Kaye Ginsberg. We talk at length about the process of downsizing as older adults move to senior communities. You will also read an article called “Home is Home” that I think you will find interesting.
Living close to older adult family totally changes the way we think about older adults, doesn’t it? My mother had 4 sisters, and I spent a lot of time around them. Not as much as if they lived next door or with us (my family grew up in Western NY), but they were around a lot. Then I was the caregiver for the 2 years my mother was in hospice. It changes how you think about this entire subject – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Because we have developed a societal approach to aging that tends to isolate older adults in senior communities, many of us don’t have this experience. That is also where the issues of race and class are dramatically apparent. We will talk with Zandra Matthews in one of our podcast interviews, where we discuss how race and class directly affect the aging experience.
Now to that last section on your fear of aging. I think it is interesting that you have lived with this fear your whole life, but maybe we can offer you some information and knowledge that can begin to combat that fear. There are lots of ways to build community – to create that village for yourself – whether or not you have children. Now I understand the reason you sent your email asking about the next blog post.
We will talk about building that community on the Matthews Podcast, where we discuss the importance of your personal village. We also have a podcast discussion about death and dying, which I think could also be part of the reason for your fear – maybe? And don’t think you are alone in that. My brother and I are the last members of our family around, so I understand your feelings about not having lots of family members present. But I have worked to build community for myself – and that is really what family is, right? We will be talking about that a lot. I also think the two texts will offer some perspectives that will help build out your idea of growing older.
Looking forward to the conversations.
Dr P